The Good in Suffering

I’ve often caught myself saying things like, “Will came too early.” I’m learning to stop and change my wording. Will was not born early. He came at the exact time he was supposed to. He may have been premature but he wasn’t early. God knew exactly what he was doing with our little guy.

I’ve been reading and re-reading Psalm 139 over the last few days. The first few nights after Will was born, I would steal away to the NICU and read this Psalm to him.

Psalm 139:13-15

(13) For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

(14) I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

(15) My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Every little part of Will was known by God. He knew what was going on. He is fearfully and wonderfully made. His frame was not hidden from God. Those first few nights I would stand over Will’s little body hooked up to hoses and wires and remind myself that none of this was a surprise to God. God knew what was happening to him. That was really hard. It’s always one thing to read God’s Word and believe it and another to experience these trials and believe it.

(16) Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them.

While Will was premature he was not early because our great God and Father knew every one of Will’s days from the beginning. God is using this truth in the midst of our trial to produce faith. This is a lesson that is difficult for our American (or more broadly speaking Western) sensibilities. We don’t do well with suffering. So much of our society is built upon medicating suffering without ever dealing with it. But God’s Word tells us again and again that suffering has a message for us. James 1:2-4 says that “testing produces steadfastness” which leads to “perfection and completion.” Romans 5:1-4 says that “suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.” This hope is anchored in the reality that Christ died to justify God’s people. 1 Peter 1:5-9 says that “though now for a little while…you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith – more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire – may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” There are several more passages that link suffering to faith (2 Peter 1:3-7; Heb 10:36ff, etc.). None of these passages gives the idea that this is out of the ordinary for Christians. Suffering and trials are a part of our life. And God knows this. He is okay with it because each of our days were known “when as yet there was none of them.” He uses these to work out faith in the lives of His people. We must not short circuit the process. We need to see our sufferings as a conduit to faith. This doesn’t dull the pain we might feel or the heartache we might experience but it does give a purpose. And if we do not look for the LORD in the midst of trials then we will miss that purpose.

Will continues to improve. His platelet level is up a little more. He gained a little more weight. He even nursed with Kim tonight. He still isn’t getting a full feeding by mouth, but we’re making progress. As he continues to gain strength and coordination we will increase the volume and frequency of his feeding by mouth. The cause of his meningitis is still unknown. We are praying for a virus. I never really thought I’d ever pray for a virus. Whether it is viral or bacterial, Will is showing good improvement. If it is bacterial we’ll need to remain in the NICU for several more days for antibiotic treatment. If it is viral then we might get discharged sooner. Until the lab results are in, though, we wait. We are so thankful for you and for you continued prayers. This journey has been much longer than we expected, but God is generous and faithful. Kim and I have learned much and William will have a great testimony of God’s work in his life.

This is the monitor showing Will's weight after he nursed for the first time. Apparently Will's weight is sponsored in part by GE. I thought the rainbow is a nice touch.

This is how I enjoy spending my NICU time. Reading a book (on my sweet new Kindle) and holding my lil' dude. Maybe I should be sponsored by Amazon.